The schoolyard saying that “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never harm me” is untrue. Words can do damage. Criticism hurts. Disapproving remarks and belittling comments can injure a person’s sense of self worth. Ironically, this is often most true of the talk coming from within. Every person has inner monologues with themselves. Psychologists commonly refer to this as self-talk, and there are different kinds of self-talk. Among other things, through self-talk we provide ourselves with instructions, opinions and evaluations on what we are doing as we are doing it.
We all self-talk, but sometimes that internal talk can be very harsh and unforgiving. Perhaps too often, we make ourselves the bulls-eye of our own condemnation, which is a pretty easy target. We flog ourselves for our own missteps and bad choices. We rub our own noses in our mistakes. That inner voice can be the most brutal heckler of all, and those negative internal words can actually be detrimental. Indeed, psychologists are finding that a person’s inner voice is actually quite powerful… even more than external voices. When we allow negative self-talk, we tear down our own self esteem. This has been found to have a very real impact on our future actions and success. However, when that inner voice is positive and affirming, then it can be an equally powerful motivator and coach. In fact, research is showing that deliberately engaging the inner voice in positive affirmations can help one change one’s own behavior, learn new skills and achieve success. So how does it work? And why? Continue reading