Monday Mornings with Madison

Falling On Deaf Ears

Ever had a conversation with a coworker or friend that you knew was hearing you but wasn’t really listening?  Ever sat down to talk with your boss and knew you’d made the same point before – perhaps many times before – but you just weren’t getting through?  The words came out of your mouth but weren’t absorbed by the other person.   There weren’t any sound barriers or language impediments.  There was no physical hearing loss.  The person could certainly hear you, but they just weren’t listening… the proverbial deaf ears.

Why is it that, even though the ears can hear, the mind does not take in the message?  That’s because comprehension is tied to listening.  Poor listening is a growing epidemic.  There are many factors contributing to the increase in poor or non-existent listening.  Yet, being an excellent listener is one of the most important qualities of a good leader, particularly in business.  Great leaders spend more time listening than they do writing, speaking or reading.  In order to understand problems and identify solutions, management must listen to staff and customers in order to identify the best remedies.  So, given the importance of good listening, is there anything that can be done to improve one’s own ability to listen?  The answer is yes.

Why don’t people listen?

In order to become better listeners, we must first understand the difference between hearing and listening, and why so many people are poor listeners.  Hearing is an involuntary act that happens when ears perceive sound.  Hearing simply happens.  Unlike eyes, it is difficult to stop hearing unless you use an external device to block sound such as headsets or earplugs.  Listening, on the other hand, is an intellectual process that combines sound waves with evaluation.  Listening requires concentration in order for sounds to be processed by the mind.  It is a voluntary choice, which is why it is often referred to as ‘active listening.’

There are a number of factors that cause and exacerbate weak listening skills.  Listening is not taught in school.  While there are many other communications courses taught from high school through graduate school on public speaking, speech-giving, oration and writing, the skill of listening is one that students are expected to develop naturally over time.  That may – in part – explain why many people are passive listeners.

Also, in today’s busy, hurried society, we rarely give our full attention to any task. We have become fixated on the concept of multi-tasking and think we can listen while doing other tasks at the same time, such as driving while talking on a cell phone, or replying to emails while speaking to a coworker.  Lack of time certainly contributes to poor listening.  Distractions, interruptions and an onslaught of messaging also make it harder for people to focus – and stay focused — on what others are saying.

Likewise, people often stop actively listening in the midst of a conversation because they think they already know what the speaker is going to say and thus they begin to think about their response to what is being said rather than fully concentrate on the speaker’s meaning.  And sometimes people simply disregard what is being said because they don’t really believe or trust the speaker.

When are good listening skills important in business?

In most jobs, good listening is a necessary skill.  While it is one of the most commonly used talents, it is also one of the most underrated and lacking of all business skills. Ironically, listening is also the skill that people will most vehemently deny lacking.  Ask a person if they were listening after you know they weren’t listening, and invariably the person will insist they were listening and will scan their short-term memory to try to recapture some elements of the conversation.  Why?  Because a failure to listen implies one of two things:  either the listener does not care about what was being said, or what was being said is of little importance.

Here is another irony.  In most people, hearing memory is much stronger than visual memory, which is why people are more apt to recall information they heard more easily than information they read.  Moreover, information that is put to music is even more likely to be remembered.  Thus, many people invariably squander the power of hearing memory, which has a greater likelihood of being retained, by not listening.

Here are a dozen situations in which good listening skills are needed at work:

  • Telephone conversations
  • Job training
  • Understanding new processes
  • Absorbing informal speeches
  • Job interviews
  • Performance review
  • Formal presentations
  • Status meetings
  • Small-group conferences
  • Product demonstrations
  • Business luncheons
  • Solving a recurring problem

What makes an excellent listener?

A good listener will check their ego at the door and is ready to take in the full message, not assuming that they already know what is going to be said or that they know better.

16 Qualities of an Excellent Listener.

  1. Listens with an open mind.
  2. Looks directly at the person speaking.
  3. Listens patiently.
  4. Listens even if the other person is not interesting or bright.
  5. Ensures the other person’s point of view is understood before responding.
  6. Evaluates what is being said against what is already known in order to identify what information is new.
  7. Ensures that the speaker is done making their point before beginning to speak.  A good strategy is to count to three to ensure that the speaker has finished the thought and is not just pausing for emphasis or to take a breath.
  8. Seeks to identify and understand the speaker’s important points.
  9. Asks questions to ensure the speaker was understood.
  10. Tries to understand the speaker’s feelings.
  11. Attempts to visualize the response before speaking.
  12. Visualizes the solution before speaking.
  13. Is in control, relaxed, and calm when listening.
  14. Uses listening affirmation words such as I see, uh huh, yes, and gee.
  15. Uses listening affirmation actions such as looking the speaker in the eyes, nodding and, when appropriate, taking notes.
  16. Does not allow distractions when listening.

How many of these qualities do you employ when listening?  How many do your coworkers, colleagues or boss(es) employ?  It may be worthwhile to share these tips with everyone at work so that everyone approaches communication as an active listener.

Ultimately, good communication is the foundation of every good relationship. Good communication begins with both parties engaging in active listening.  Active listening honors the speaker.  It is a sign of respect which helps to build trust.  When people feel they are being heard, they are more likely to open up and share their true feelings.

Quote of the Week

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemingway

© 2012, Keren Peters-Atkinson. All rights reserved.

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