Why the Hardest Thing in Life to Achieve is Balance, Part 2

Word Count: 1,431
Estimated Read Time: 6 Min.

There is so much talk about achieving and maintaining balance in life. And it sounds like something that should be easy to achieve. Just find and stick to the middle. But even in fairytales, we see that balance is elusive. In Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Goldilocks was looking for food and a place to rest. But in the bears’ home, some of the porridge was too hot. Some was too cold. Only one was just right. The same was true of the chair to sit in (too big and too small) and the bed to nap (too hard and too soft). It seems that extremes are everywhere. This could be a metaphor for life. Too much and too little are not good. The goal is to find the middle of the road which is where we find what is just right.

What makes balance hard to achieve and significantly harder to maintain is that it is not a “one-and-done” behavior. It is not done for a day, week, month or year. It has to be achieved daily for life. Case in point. It is of no value to go to extremes dieting and losing weight for a year only to revert to bad habits later and regain it all. The reason to pursue balance is because balance is an exercise in tenacity. That is why achieving balance is hard and maintaining it is downright arduous. And it is especially so when maintained in all areas of life.

Achieving and Sustaining Balance

Balance is best. It is in the in-between where we find equilibrium and that’s where we find happiness, contentment and well-being. The pain that comes with being out of balance is harder than the work required to stay in balance. As M. Scott Peck, psychiatrist and author of “The Road Less Traveled” put it, “The loss of balance is ultimately more painful than the giving up required to maintain balance. It is a lesson one has to continually relearn.”

There are so many different parts of life, from social and spiritual life to self-care and career, that it can seem difficult to achieve balance in them all. That doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause. There are a number of way one can work toward balance. It just takes some self-reflection and extra effort to find the right amount of time for everything. When all of our needs are being met, that is when we are at our healthiest and happiest so it’s important to make sure nothing falls by the wayside.

Last week, we look at two tips for achieving balance.

1. Acknowledge that Extremes are Bad.

One should start by acknowledging that balance is good and extremes are bad. It may not be what is exciting, but it’s what’s best. By saying those words out loud and really realizing that extremes are bad, it allows for you to embrace the idea of balance and moderation.

2. Take a 10,000 Foot View

Take a giant step back. It helps to look at the big picture and determine which areas in one’s life lack balance. In other words, where are we going to extremes? Examine all areas of your life and spot the areas that are out of balance. Make a list of those areas that need adjustment. For some, it might be working less. For others, it might be exercising more. Still others, it might mean kicking a habit, like chain smoking or drinking.

Here are a few more tips for achieving and maintaining balance.

3. Create a Schedule

If balance is the goal, then having a list of tasks related to balance is key and scheduling time for that is essential. For example, if fitness is an area that needs balance, schedule time to exercise. If the issue is too much exercise, schedule a finite amount of time for exercise and make sure not to exceed that in a week. Or if finances is an area that is out of balance, such as too much spending or bad credit, schedule time to review budget and pay bills each month and review ways to cut back on spending. Create a budget for spending and then schedule time to review how much you’ve spent on a weekly basis. Be keeping a vigilant eye on where money is going and ensuring that bills are paid in a timely manner. That will help bring finances into balance. Scheduling time for personal care, family time, and spirituality also ensures that those areas are not neglected. Be sure to block off this time and stick to it.

4. Prioritize Ruthlessly

When it comes to achieving and maintaining balance, no word is more powerful and useful than “No.” In a world with so many demands for attention, time wasters, and enticing distractions, the only way to pursue balance is by being able to say “No” a lot. Those items that are out-of-balance will require attention. Managing finances. Increasing fitness. Bonding with family. Being more spiritual. These are all areas that often require balancing, and that requires time. Any areas that require balance (see #2) will likely require more time and attention. That time has to come from somewhere, and it can’t be at the cost of sleep, which would throw a different area into imbalance. The solution is to ruthlessly prioritize those items that need focus in order to achieve moderation and balance. And anything that is not on the list can be cut away.

For example, if one man’s goal is to spend more time with family and spend more time learning the Torah, then it is imperative for him to say “No” to things that are not critically important, such as hobbies or time on LinkedIn. The idea is to cut away the non-essential to make room for the essential. Give time and attention to those areas that require balance to be in harmony. And for that, “No” is essential.

5. Take Care of Self

So often, what is out of balance involves the body. People who live busy, full lives are more apt to skip meals, put off exercise, sleep less and/or eat unhealthily in order to have more time for work and school. Self-care is the first thing to get sacrificed when busy. But, as flight attendants say at the start of every flight, “Please put your mask on yourself before you put your mask on your children.” Putting self-care first is important so that there is enough energy and focus to deal with everything else and be able to help others. Be true to a healthy diet and exercise to fuel your mind and body.”

6. Get Help

We already discussed how there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything. But there are things on the list that require attention. So how does one make time when there isn’t enough time? Ask for help. Delegate those things that you can so that you can find time for the things that need attention to achieve balance. If finding time to do yoga and go on long walks is tough because you also need to do some chores around the house, then ask your kids or family members to help if they can. Everyone needs to pitch in so that no one person is carrying the full load of all of the generic tasks. And this opens up time to focus on priorities. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength and intellect.

Sometimes Extremes Can Be Good

At the risk of contradicting everything advocated about the virtues of balance and moderation, there are certain behaviors that can be done in extreme with no harm at all.

Kindness and generosity are two behaviors which can be done in excess for a long time without the likelihood of it becoming a problem. One can never be too considerate or give too much. That doesn’t mean allowing people to take advantage, but it is possible to be extremely kind and generous and do it wisely.

Also, one can never learn too much or be too humble. Humility keeps you focused on your own growth, and keeps you from comparing yourself to others, and from paying attention to their mistakes. This is the way to lose one’s ego. Even the most humble person doesn’t care what impression they make on others. And humility fuels the desire to learn.

So there are some behaviors which can be done in excess. But, for the most part, the road to happiness is paved with balance and moderation.

Quote of the Week

“The loss of balance is ultimately more painful than the giving up required to maintain balance. It is a lesson one has to continually relearn.” M. Scott Peck

Share and Enjoy: